


Are You There? Are You... Anywhere?

by unemotionalfox



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Witchcraft, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark Katsuki Yuuri, Dom/sub Undertones, Heavy Angst, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Vicchan Lives, Witch Katsuki Yuuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-01-29 07:02:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12625695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unemotionalfox/pseuds/unemotionalfox
Summary: Yuuri raised his head up at the command and locked eyes with thekitsune. They held a cold fire in them, distant but real and alive. It was a look that demanded respect and loyalty. He wanted to be like that. He wanted, craved to be something more. The selfish thought grew and clawed its way to the front of Yuuri’s mind with a desperate vengeance and thirst for survival. In this moment it wasn’t about his mother, father, or Mari. This was for him.And Yuuriwanted.





	Are You There? Are You... Anywhere?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my baby, my life my love, my beauty cat.
> 
> This was supposed to be a lot shorter considering that this isn't the actual first chapter, it's only the prologue. But since there's no "prologue" option idk. I refuse to have the next chapter labelled number two even though it's really number one so fuck it, this is chapter one (really the prologue) and the next chapter is chapter two (really chapter one). That's just how this is gonna be.
> 
> (Also yes, I know how ugly _word_ (1) is but google docs has shit footnotes so I can't use the pretty ones that have the number above the word)

  _“Sometimes, you are forced into a position where difficult choices must be made. The darkness clouds rational thought and desperation takes hold of your heart and mind. You go to places you’ve never thought you would go. Creativity is born.”_

 

-

 

The idea that this could be a ‘bad thing’ tugs at Yuuri’s mind but he is quick to push it to the back and pointedly ignores it. This has worked for a while but the further he goes and the longer he drags this out, the more insistent the thought becomes. It’s worrying, but still Yuuri continues and doesn’t look back.

The cold harsh wind seeps into his thin shirt and makes its home in his bones. It whips against his face, hitting his already red stained cheeks and breaking the delicate skin of his lips; licking them will only worsen the effect but Yuuri sticks his tongue out anyway and swipes it over the newly made cuts. Another gust of wind comes and Yuuri takes a quick lungful before the strength of the wind renders him unable to breathe. He tightens his shaking hands around the handle of the basket he’s holding, pressing the tips of his fingers against the intricate weaves. It hurts but the pain keeps him present while his feet turn into ice in his worn shoes and his nose drips and collects on his upper lip. His eyes are watering so much that it makes it difficult to see in front of him, but he’s taken this same path for the past three weeks; he doesn’t need sight to know he’s close to the mountain. He takes a shaking breath and watches as a puff of air escapes his mouth.

It’s lonely and Yuuri’s scared.

There’s a dull and throbbing ache that has been in his belly from the start. It forces him to pay attention to it but not enough that he wants to turn back. He tries to ignore it and continues walking. Life doesn’t wait for you to catch up, Yuuri knows this better than most children his age.

The truth is, their business hasn’t been doing well for the past few years. It started out small, as most issues do. It was hardly noticeable and not a problem Yuuri’s parents thought to concern themselves with, but it was persistent as it was slow and eventually they were forced to face it head on. Yuuri tried not to pay attention to the signs around them, they spoke of outcomes he was too young and too scared to fully understand; it was easier to pretend everything was okay and worry at the back of his mind instead.

They lived in a small town to begin with, so it didn’t come as a huge surprise that the tourists were slowly trickling away, but no one seemed to worry at the possibility of this largely impacting the local onsens. Maybe they figured it was a dry season; the tourists would come back and they would continue to live as they always have. Or perhaps they were foolish like Yuuri and decided to pretend the problem didn’t exist until it got too big to ignore. In the end it didn’t matter what they thought; it came for them eventually. As the years went by, more and more families were forced to close down their businesses and settle elsewhere. Before Yuuri knew it, his family owned one of the last remaining onsens. It’s difficult to see a bright side when you’re in the thick of it but looking back, they were the lucky ones.

His parents try their hardest to keep how poor their situation is a secret; meeting at the dinner table after they thought Yuuri and Mari had gone to bed and discussing new ways to stretch the money they had. Yuuri doesn't understand most of the words they use but he knows enough by the increasing lines on his mother's face and the jaw pain his father gets from clenching too often. They never tell him anything; casting away his questions with strained smiles and soft words. He knows they don’t want him to worry but the lack of information forces Yuuri to fill in the blanks himself.

It’s something he can’t control; everything would be fine and then suddenly a thought of the worst outcome possible would come into his head and sit until he dealt with it. He stashes these thoughts away but they pile up and mock him from the sidelines until it becomes to much and he- Bursts. It doesn’t happen often but on some late nights when the halls are silent and there’s no one around to distract him, he takes them out and analyzes every scenario. The thoughts are overwhelming and they fight to the front of his mind, piling on top of each other and spilling over. His heart beats wildly in his chest as his throat closes up. It’s finally when he starts crying that it all lets loose and he’s forced to feel everything that’s been residing in him. He doesn’t know why this happens but it’s getting increasingly difficult to deal with; sometimes it gets so bad he goes to talk to his mother about it, but shame creeps up behind him and shuts his mouth closed.

It’s easy to blame himself on nights like those. While his mother and father try their best to keep their lives as stable as possible, he knows it’s not enough. He begins to dish himself food with intense precision; he’s never felt more aware of exactly how much he’s putting into his body in every meal. He doesn’t see food anymore, he sees money. Money that’s being wasted on someone as useless as him. He begins to fake tummy aches to occasionally get out of dinner; it doesn’t work all the time but on days where it does, he feels a little joy knowing he’s saved some food that could be used elsewhere (it’s a thought that settles his growling belly and he goes to sleep with a smile). Eventually the tummy aches stop being fake; he feels a sickness deep inside him when he gets a glimpse of food now, it’s a powerful punch to his stomach and it makes him want to rush to the bathroom. He pretends not to see his mother’s worried looks as he runs out of the room but he can feel her stare on his back and it doesn’t leave him for a long time. He’s making her more worried and it hurts him because he knows she has more important things to worry about. He just wanted to help but he ends up making everything worse, it reminds him of his failures and his lack of ability to help support his family.

The terrible thoughts consume him and the cycle repeats.

(His newfound ‘appreciation’ of money grows until he’s obsessing over every yen he finds lying on the sidewalks. It turns into a collection; he counts and recounts them, organizing them into neat little piles and waiting for the day where he can come up with a significant amount of money to give to his parents. He knows it’s foolish but the hope of one day seeing bright smiles on their faces as he hands them his collection keeps him going.)

Even with his obsession of saving money, he knows that they're in danger of becoming like the many other ghost onsens in their town. He walks by them sometimes on his way to school with Mari. He tries to peer through the dusty windows and the cracks in the wood of the doors but there isn't much left to see. Sometimes he turns to Mari to judge her reaction but her eyes are focused on the road ahead of them and her jaw is tight. She squeezes his hand. It's obvious she doesn't want to talk about it and Yuuri tries to respect her decision. That, and he's too afraid; as if voicing their problems will make them even more real.

Mari starts working at the onsen, she tries to help her parents as much as she can but it isn't enough and two weeks later she has a part time job at their local skating rink. Yuuri isn't old enough to get a job, he understands he’s only ten years old and there isn't a lot he can help out with, but he wants to try, he wants to be proven useful. He can't do a lot... But there is something he is capable of doing. It's his family's only chance at survival and he hopes his parents won't be mad at him for seeking the help of a _kitsune_ (1).

He skirted around the idea of contacting a _kitsune_ for help but as their situation got increasingly worse, he found himself desperate enough to go through with it. His mother would tell him stories at night with Yuuri tucked in his bed, listening with his eyes locked on her. She would tell him of other witch clans long ago, those who got too curious, too desperate, and went to a _kitsune_ for aid. Their entire line had been infected; from that point on the kitsune would stay with them throughout the ages. It was a taint that was impossible to get rid of. They were known as _tsukimono-tsuji(_ 2), and any family accused of being one were met with homes burnt to ash and banishment. Although people have long since stopped openingly discriminating against them, there are still whispers and hidden prejudice against _tsukimono-tsuji;_  people tend to shy away from doing business with them and marrying into their family, too afraid of the taint.

A gust of vigorous wind blows into his face and he’s rudely awoken from his wandering thoughts. His lips feel frozen and a quick press of his fingers reveals they’re bleeding. He can’t feel his toes anymore and his hands are uncontrollably shaking, he tries to steady them so the basket won’t be disturbed. He tucks in the white cloth more securely anyway, worried the food won’t be able to keep warm under the violent weather.

He chances a quick glance up and to his surprise he sees the base of the mountain looming in front of him. He eyes the tall dark trees and the stone rocks that lead up to the shrine. It isn’t a troublesome walk; the path is quick and the stones are more stable than in other shrines he’s seen, but he feels that familiar funny ache in his stomach again and he knows he should be wary. He doesn’t know what’s causing this feeling, he’s done it before many times, but something in the air feels different. Unstable, unpredictable, unsafe. The ache grows and spreads over his abdomen; sharp stabbing pains tearing into his insides without mercy. He clutches at his belly and doubles over, breath heaving. It feels much worse than it did before and Yuuri’s mind whirls with possible explanations as to why this is happening. He doesn’t have much time to think before the ache suddenly becomes overwhelming and he’s forced to take a wobbly step back. He wildly considers leaving for a second but-

He can’t.

His family is depending on him. He can’t let them down; one missed meal and it would ruin all the progress he’s made. He would have to start all over again with a different _kitsune_ and make his family wait another month in fear. It’s with that thought that finally settles his mind. He can’t return with nothing to show. He’ll walk up this mountain and place his offerings on the shrine and if he’s lucky, the _kitsune_ will be there.

Yuuri gathers himself and takes a small shaking step. He moves the other foot; steps up.

The feeling intensifies as soon as both feet are settled and it makes his head spin and vision turn hazy. Yuuri continues on but the air is thick with despair and decay, it’s aggressive and overpowering, moving in his mouth with every breath he takes and stuffing itself down his throat until he chokes on it. His eyes are getting blurry and with a startle, Yuuri realizes he’s crying. It’s stinging his eyes and it hurts and he doesn’t know what to do.

 _I’m scared, I’m nervous, I’m weak._   

The thought grows and grows inside his mind, probing at the soft weak parts of his brain; looking for an opening, a crack, a break.

Still, even if the mask of disgust is thick and apparent, Yuuri is familiar with this feeling. He knows how to handle this in the best way he can and that’s to accept the thoughts, open his mind to the poison and continue climbing anyway. It’s more of a natural reaction than anything. He’s aware of all the repulsive parts to him but they hang in the back of his mind, waiting like rabid dogs for a chance to pounce at the first sign of weakness. He knows it’s there but tries not to think about it too deeply; thinking requires the most energy, it’s easier to avoid.

Yuuri continues trekking up the stone path, moving one foot in front of the other, watching them shake with squinted eyes and a wobbly lip. He feels stares on him but when he looks up all he sees are trees. They remind him of his classmates teasing and mocking eyes. They change shape and become his teacher’s eyes, his friends, and then he’s seeing his parents. They all combine into a cluster of heaviness and Yuuri couldn’t stop the tears from running down his cheeks if he tried.

_You’re weak, You’re dumb. You’re disgusting. You aren’t worth anything, all you do is make things difficult for everyone. You’re doing your parents a favour by giving away your life like this._

The rest of the journey up the mountain passes by like this and when he eventually sees the bright vermilion _torii_ (3), he chokes on a sob and almost falls to his knees in relief. He quickens his pace, stumbling over misplaced stones and cracks. It doesn’t look any different than usual but Yuuri stares at it in awe. There are two tiny _kitsune_ statues(4) next to the entrance, holding small objects in their mouths. Their sharp eyes seem to follow Yuuri as he walks towards the gate but Yuuri doesn’t stay to admire and keeps walking. He doesn’t want to know if they really are watching him.  

Breath heaving, he stops when he gets to the entrance and checks to make sure the basket in his hands is unharmed. For how torturous the walk up the mountain seemed, the basket and food remains as it was when he first picked it up. Yuuri knows it’s just a basket and can’t experience what he went through, but something about its perfect state rubs him the wrong way. The unsettling feeling is back but he pushes it from his mind; he’s just glad no dishes have been broken or tipped over.

Gathering his bravery, he clutches the basket to his chest and walks through the gate. The shrine is visible just ahead, it’s not as big or fancy as other shrines are; Hasetsu is a small town and the shrines reflect that. Yuuri thinks it’s simple but intimate and he finds he prefers that over the popular shrines like the _Fushimi Inari-taisha_ (5). The bright red of the shrine seems to glow in the moonlight, illuminating the space around him. It’s a centre of being and Yuuri grounds himself to it, gently settling himself on his knees and placing the basket in front of him. He picks up the small bowl of rice and a cup of sake first, arranging it neatly by the shrine. Then he plucks out the pieces of _Inari-zushi_ (6) next and sets them down. Finally, he very carefully lifts the bowl of katsudon from the basket and places it in the centre of his offering. It’s the main dish tonight; Yuuri thought a personal touch would impress the _kitsune_. When _kitsune_ look for witches to strike a deal with, they judge them based on the offerings they bring, how strong the witch is, and the presentation. Yuuri makes sure everything is straight and aligned with each other, slightly shifting the pieces of _Inari-zushi_ to the left of the katsudon. He gives a sharp satisfied nod and then closes his eyes and bows his head. Yuuri doesn’t know if this is necessary but he does it anyway, sending a short plea to the _kitsune_. He pictures his family’s faces in his head, remembers their stress and sadness. After a minute of this, he opens his eyes and waits.

The forest is just as silent as it’s always been. The branches of the trees don’t sway and there is no rustling of the grass. He guesses the _kitsune_ isn’t coming today.

With crushing disappointment, he starts to pack up his things and is almost ready to leave when he feels a brush of softness against his arm. It’s startling and it snaps Yuuri into awareness. He freezes. He knows better than to hope, knows of the likeness that it was a light breeze of wind tracing itself against him. But his mind is whirling and he still can’t manage to move his body to see for himself. His heart is pounding, he can hear the loud thumps in his ears, over and over again, steady and strong. It’s the opposite of how he feels right now.

He doesn’t know what he’s hoping for.

_“I was under the impression that the witch trying to bargain with me was much older. However… It seems I’ve caught a young child instead.”_

The voice whispers in his ear low and smooth, flowing into the air around him, echoing in the dead of night. Yuuri still can’t move, he’s rooted to the spot. His arms won’t cooperate, neither will his legs and Yuuri doesn’t know what to do. He’s planned this from the beginning, he rehearsed over and over exactly what he would say, but in this moment all words escape his mind and he’s left with nothing.

_"I humoured you so far, child, but that can change very soon if you don’t speak. Now.”_

The _kitsune’s_ words are biting and sharp. They demand Yuuri’s body to act, pulling and pushing its way through him with alien impatience. He jolts upright and turns around, looking for something he doesn’t know.

At first he doesn’t notice anything unusual. The red of the entrance gates and shine of the _kitsune_ statues remain the same as they were five minutes ago. It’s only when something in his peripheral vision shifts that he sees the stark white of a tail, of two tails? Yuuri’s breath catches as four more tails come out of seemingly nowhere, and he’s struck with the fact that this _kitsune_ has six of them. He knows that the number of tails dictates how powerful they are. He had been expecting a one or two tailed _kitsune,_  three if he was lucky; they tended to be more wild, more desperate for a chance at a deal. A _kitsune’s_ main goal was achieving nine tails, and the younger ones would strike a deal with anything it was able to in the chances that it would get to nine tails faster. However, older ones were known to be picky, they had the option of choosing the finest witches as their _kitsune-tsukai_ (7), no longer bound by the rapid crave of quick power. From the look of its six tails, this is not a _kitsune_ to play around with.

Yuuri snaps his eyes from the swaying tails and with shaking breaths, drags them over the rest of the _kitsune_ that is slowly making an appearance.

The second thing Yuuri notices about it is its size. It’s massive; it easily doubles Yuuri’s height and then some. He didn’t know what he had been expecting when he first decided to seek aid from this type of _tsukimono(_ 8). He knew _kitsune_ had features that resembled that of a fox but staring at it now, it was anything but. Its gleaming yellow eyes were slanted and lined with red. These markings ran along its forehead and over the edges of its pointy ears. Its paws were a dark colour which slowly faded into the white of its body. The tips of its tails wear the same red as the one its face.

All of this overwhelms Yuuri but he can’t look away no matter how much he wants to. He distantly registers how much his legs are shaking; they’re wobbling so much Yuuri thinks for a panicked second that he might fall, but the kitsune’s eyes pierce through him and it feels as if it’s the only thing keeping him upright.

Apparently the _kitsune_ is done waiting for Yuuri to speak because it approaches him with solid steps, intent eyes locked on Yuuri. Once it gets close enough to him it leans into Yuuri’s space and it’s enough to bring tears of terror to his eyes.

_I’m so stupid, I should have said something, anything, to keep its attention on me just for a little bit longer. I don’t want to die!_

The tears build up in the corners of his eyes and then spill over, running down his cheeks. He tastes the salt as slips into his mouth with every gasping breath. He’s afraid. He’s afraid and scared and he just wants his mother right now. He misses her warmth and soft voice. Misses the security and safety of his house.

But death is staring into his continuously watering eyes and this is no place for regrets. He’s made this choice. Yuuri can only blame himself.

He’s about to clench his eyes closed and pray for the _kitsune_ to have mercy on him and end it quickly when it opens its long snout and gives a short but icy command.

_“Speak.”_

Yuuri doesn’t give himself time to think over his words or care about how polite he’s being. It gave him a second chance to speak and he won’t be foolish enough to waste it.

“I- I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you, please don’t hurt me! I just- I really need help, please, my family- My family needs help and I don’t know what else I can do to help them, I just-!”

Yuuri cuts himself off with a violent cough ripping itself out of his throat and he takes deep gasping breaths trying to calm himself down enough to continue speaking. The tears don’t stop running down his reddened cheeks and his hands can’t stop their trembling. It’s so apparent how much of a child he is. He can’t even seem to get himself under control long enough to form proper sentences and his mind is a jumbled mess of things he should have said and done. He was naive for thinking the _kitsune_ would be anything but annoyed with him. He had hopes of impressing it; show it that he’s worth it, even if he had to trick himself into thinking he was. He’s just a hopeless child with wishes too large for him to bare.

 "I- I..."

Yuuri tries again with no success; he’s still crying and his mind feels like a fried piece of meat. He tries to scramble for something to say but his lips can’t form the words and his voice won’t come.

The _kitsune_ observes him and gently sits back onto its hind legs so that it isn’t in Yuuri’s face anymore but it's close enough that it can watch his every move.

_“You seem to be distressed; as expected of a child. Take your time then. You did feed me for three straight weeks, I can wait for you to speak.”_

Yuuri almost wants to say he doesn’t need a moment; he wants to prove himself to the _kitsune._ But he’s clearly on the verge of a breakdown and he isn’t stupid enough to try and convince it he’s okay.

It’s surprising how lenient it is though. He didn’t expect it to be like that. His mother told him they tended to be more cruel and uncaring of the trivial issues of human beings; doing what they are told to do but not listening to their woes. This _kitsune_ is so different from what he’s heard that it makes Yuuri question how trustworthy it is. He knows from experience that when someone is nice to you, most of time they don’t mean it.

Still, Yuuri’s grateful for the small breather. Without the pressure of speaking, he successfully slows down his quickened breathing and his mind calms itself. It takes a little while but he reminds himself that the _kitsune_ said it was okay and he can take his time. Soon, he finds that his hands are no longer shaking like a leaf and his mind is clearer. He’s still a little on the overwhelmed side but he’s ready to speak now.

“My name is Katsuki Yuuri. I- I’m a witch… Are you the _kitsune_ I’ve been feeding…? You don’t look like other messenger _kitsune(_ 9)…” His words are soft and cautious, he doesn’t want to accidentally offend it but he wants to be sure that is this is the _kitsune_ he’s been trying to seal a deal with.

The _kitsune’s_ features immediately twist into a scowl like it tasted something dirty.

_“I am not another anything. I am me, and you are you. Don’t lump me in with those messenger foxes and I won’t lump you in with those witches who’ve tried to own me before.”_

Yuuri stops. He’s petrified that maybe he made a mistake again. He knows it can’t possibly be so generous as to give him another chance.

“I-I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean-!”

 _"_ _I know what you meant. I’m not one of them. I am a_ tsukimono,  _I’m sure you know that at least. That’s why we don’t look alike._

 _“I am curious though, why didn’t you use the_ Izuna-hô(10) _? Were you too impatient? Usually witches who perform the_ _rite_ _desire complete control over their chosen_ kitsune, _they rather wait for their power to ripen and their bond to blossom. But you didn’t do that. You decided to be reckless and go after a fully grown_ kitsune.  _You wanted action, you wanted results. Tell me why.”_

The amount of transparency Yuuri feels, scares him. He feels like a wide open window; clear of all spots, easily seen through. It looks at him like it already knows what Yuuri is going to say, or maybe his story is that generic, something the _kitsune_ has heard thousands of times over. He feels open and vulnerable and this is exactly what he hates. He hates it when people act like they know him. They take guesses at his feelings and sometimes they get too close to the truth. It digs deep into him and it makes him want to push them all away. Push, push, and keep pushing until he’s the only one left. However, Yuuri doesn’t have that option now. He knows he needs this deal and he knows the _kitsune_ won’t take his refusal to explain his reasoning.

He starts off shaky, like always. He stutters through the first few sentences and his vision gets a little blurry around the edges like when he’s making a big presentation. However, it isn’t unusual. He’s used to the feeling of being nervous while speaking and so he pushes himself through it, forcing himself not to stop until he’s done explaining. The _kitsune_ keeps observing Yuuri and that’s the only indication it gives to let him know it’s listening. It’s unnerving and it doesn’t make him feel any more comfortable but it relieves him to know the _kitsune_ cares enough to let him finish speaking.

When he’s done, he carefully peeks up at the _kitsune_ and awaits its judgment.

_“What of your mother’s magic? Is it strong? What about your sister?”_

“My mom’s magic is pretty weak… She only uses it to help her in the kitchen and she doesn’t even do it that often. My sister’s the same, even though she wants to go to a magi school after high school. She says she can only learn so much from my mom and my ballet teacher, Minako. Ah, she’s also a witch.”

_"How strong is your ballet teacher’s magic?”_

“Well, even though she’s a witch she’s a ballet dancer right now. She teaches ballet when she can but she also goes away a lot for performances. She tries to teach Mari sometimes but she hasn’t talked to me about learning magic at all yet…”

The _kitsune_ doesn’t say a word but the detest is clear on its face. Yuuri suppresses a shiver and hopes that look doesn’t mean it decided to discard him. He knows his family doesn’t have the strongest magic. His mother is modest and doesn’t care to use her magic most times; preferring to do tasks by hand. On rare days when the onsen is busier than usual, she’ll dust off her old supplies and cast spells to make cooking easier. Still, she declines Minako’s numerous invitations to Aymer, saying the magi world is much too intense and busy for her; she likes the quiet peace of Hasetsu. He knows Mari feels the same. Although she still wants to go to Whitewater Willow, School of Magi, he knows she’ll find her way back in Japan eventually; Mari is a homebody and magic isn’t something she wants to pursue.

Minako is another deal altogether. She’s in love with Aymer, the wistfulness of it, the unpredictability, and the freedom. It’s the city for all magi people, unlimited in size and capacity. The never ending ability of Aymer appeals to her like nothing else has; she bores quickly. She has a habit of coming and going randomly. She never stays in one place for too long and leaves without saying goodbye yet somehow, still keeps in contact with everyone she meets. She reminds Yuuri of a crane, slender, flighty, and beautiful. She’s untamable and he fears for anyone who tries to put her fire out.

Magic is something that always fascinated Minako, she weaves it into her dances with a twist of her wrist or a shift of her leg. She’s worked with magic for so long that she’s known for her beautiful performances and has built up a network of connections through it. It’s because of this that she’s received many invitations to teach at Whitewater Willow. However, they are only met with stubborn refusal. She only occasionally takes on fill-ins that don’t last longer than a couple of months. She doesn’t want to be held down, she says. She dances through life like this, flitting around and not thinking of the future, age is nothing more than a concept and therefore, something not relevant to her. This scares as much as it amazes Yuuri, he asks her sometimes, on days when he feels a little more brave, a little more risky, what she plans to do when she can’t dance anymore. She just looks at him with a fire in her eyes and a smirk on her lips that say ‘just try and take it away from me’. The feeling of anxiousness settles in his stomach because he knows one day her wings will be forcibly ripped from her back.

 _"_ _I take it that you don’t have a stable teacher then.”_ The sudden repugnance is laced into its voice, strong and foul, and it shakes him from his thoughts of Minako.

Yuuri manages a small nod. He jumps in surprise when the _kitsune_ rises up and stalks its way around him. It’s so sudden that it makes his heart start beating faster and his hands shake, but he forces himself to remain unmoving and silent.

He feels its sharp eyes on the back of his neck, examining him. Its tails slither on the ground he stands on, snaking their way through the tall batches of grass and weaving around Yuuri. They move as if they’re their own separate entity. It’s unsettling to watch but Yuuri bites his tongue when they caress his neck and trail down his spine. He suppresses a shiver and clenches his jaw. He doesn’t know what it’s looking for but he hopes that whatever it finds, satisfies it.

 _“Strange.”_ It’s said with such contemplation that Yuuri feels the need to apologize and he quickly bows his head.

 “I- I’m sorry…”

 _"_ _No,”_ Yuuri sees the swish of its six tails as it cuts through the grass and suddenly, the _kitsune_ is back in front of him. Yuuri stumbles back with wide eyes, heart racing. _“Not bad, just different.”_

 “Ah… Sorry…”

 _"_ _Stop apologizing. Your magic is strong but your mind is weak. It’s a surprise you even managed to get up here in the first place, considering your family. I made it so it would be especially difficult but you got here anyway…”_

Yuuri’s mind reels as his body stills. He heard its words but he can’t imagine it having that kind of control over him. He knew what strength it had but the multitude of its power is… Frightening.

“Did you do that? With the wind earlier and… Those thoughts I had…”

 _"Hm?”_ The _kitsune_ cocks its head to the side. _“I don’t control the weather. I only influenced your mind a little. I can’t control what you think but I do have power over the type of thoughts you have. There’s possession too but well, that’s a bit different.”_

Yuuri doesn’t say anything to this. Its explanation confirms his fears, but he knows it won’t try and possess him; _kitsune_ tend to possess non-magi people and that’s usually only if their _kitsune-tsukai_ wills it. However, the scary idea that comes into Yuuri’s mind is that if he and the _kitsune_ made a bond, he could send it to possess someone else. He doesn’t want to use his potential bond for something as cruel as _kitsune-tsuki_ (11), but the realization of what he could achieve with it is daunting.

The _kitsune_ considers Yuuri for a beat before gracefully seating itself in front of him.

 _“I will offer you the deal. You will become a_ kitsune-tsukai _and I will be under your command. However, remember that you do not own me. You are not my master, and I am not your servant. If you used the_ Izuna-hô _things would be different, but since you aren’t…”_

It trails off and stares directly into Yuuri’s eyes with a type of fire that lights up the air around them. He can feel a spark, a sign of paths changing and rearranging themselves. It sets Yuuri aflame.

_“Your family can be safe and stable again. They will never have to worry about their business; they will thrive. Your sister will continue her education and go to the school she wishes. And you, little one. You can be strong, powerful, important. You won’t ever have to feel weak again. We can be all of this together._

_"Regarding this… If you accept the deal, you must be aware that our energy will be connected through the bond. It doesn’t stay in one place, but it flows through the both of us, exchanging itself. This means that my growth depends on yours and it is for this reason that I have decided I will train you myself, since I can’t trust anyone else to do so. You need to strengthen your magic and your mind if you want to be someone worthy of the title ‘Witch’. It will be difficult work, but ultimately rewarding; you can be the person you’ve always wanted to be.”_

Its words are hitting somewhere deep and primal inside Yuuri. It speaks and begs him to accept the _kitsune’s_ deal. He wants this, he wants to be someone with a purpose. Someone important. He knows what that feels like, but it comes and goes in fleeting sparks. He wants that feeling all the time.

Yuuri is about to shout out a ‘yes!’ when the _kitsune_ gives him a look that silences him.

_“I’m not finished. Once you agree to this deal, we are bonded for the entirety of your life. You can’t part from me, nor I you. The only way to break the bond is to find an exorcist and have them deal with it, but trust me, you don’t want that to happen.”_

Yuuri was struck with the weight of its words. He knew this already and decided to go through with it, but hearing it come from the _kitsune_ itself left Yuuri with a choice that felt too big for someone like him. He feels all mixed up inside, like batter for a cake. His feelings becoming one complicated mixture that he can't distinguish between. He wants to be powerful, wants to be important- But he’s just a child and he craves his mother’s hugs and smell. He wants to fly high in the sky and he wants to burrow into the ground and hide. Yuuri doesn’t know what he wants but he knows he wants something so badly it’s choking his lungs and running through his veins until it’s all he can think about.

The _kitsune_ senses his hesitation and snaps its tails in the air.

 _“Life’s full of tough choices. I recommend you make yours soon. I’m still hungry and I would like to start eating before those pesky messenger foxes come.”_ The _kitsune_ gives a longing glance at Yuuri’s offerings, still placed delicately on the shrine.

He looks at his feet and digs his fingers into the fabric of his pants, clenching until the tips turned white. All this time the _kitsune_ had regarded him with a strict respect that one would normally give to someone with potential. It didn’t sugar coat any of its words, there were no flowery expressions or honeyed tones. It had expectations and it demanded Yuuri follow them through. Yuuri finally felt like he was capable of that.

He was always the last one picked for games and the first person to exclude. His family always told him to nevermind those who picked on him, speaking of his compassion, his ability to listen, and his kindness. He never brushed away their compliments but he never accepted them either. They were his family, they were practically obligated to praise him on his ‘special qualities'. When his mother told him how proud she was to have such a gentle son, all he heard was meek. When his father said he was sympathetic, Yuuri felt the word ‘sensitive’ snake its way into his brain like an unwanted parasite. He didn’t want to feel this way but the words multiplied and multiplied until it was all he could think about. Meek, sensitive, weak, a follower, a listener, expendable. These words sunk into the deepest parts of him and overwhelmed him until he couldn’t tell if they were true or not.

He didn’t want to feel this way anymore.

“Yes. I understand.”

The _kitsune_ smiled at Yuuri with too many teeth, finely pointed and ready.

_“Very well. It is done.”_

Yuuri let out a slow and careful breath, he felt his life shift right before him and it made his head spin and his legs unsteady. His life was in its hands but just as the _kitsune_ said, its life was also in Yuuri’s hands. They were bonded now. He didn’t know if it felt more like a blessing or a death sentence.

_"You have a lot of work to do and no time to waste. I want to see you blossom into the flower you’re meant to be. But don’t think that just because we’re bonded now means I will ease up on you. You’ve fallen behind all the other children your age, you will need to work hard to catch up.”_

Yuuri tries to swallow down the hurt that rises in him at the mention of other magi children. He’s well aware of the young successors; reading articles about them doesn’t help increase his self worth or strengthen his magic but it does give him an inside look at what his life could have been if he were born in Aymer like them. Minako told him stories of Aymer when she came back from her performances there. She would collect articles for Yuuri and strange trinkets and candy for Mari. It was something Yuuri always looked forward to but despised at the same time. He lived through those children, read all about their lives and dreamt of one day learning alongside them. It was a dream, a wish, and he knew it would never happen.

_But-_

The _kitsune_ is in front of him, looking at him as if he were its equal, and he knows this is real.

_"We will begin now, you will walk home the same way you came here, and I will influence your thoughts. They will go to places you don’t want them to but this will make you stronger; it builds up resistance. This is not an option. You will do it.”_

Yuuri raised his head up at the command and locked eyes with the _kitsune_. They held a cold fire in them, distant but real and alive. It was a look that demanded respect and loyalty. He wanted to be like that. He wanted, craved to be something more. The selfish thought grew and clawed its way to the front of Yuuri’s mind with a desperate vengeance and thirst for survival. In this moment it wasn’t about his mother, father, or Mari. This was for him.

And Yuuri _wanted_.

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a trip. 
> 
> -
> 
>  _Kitsune_ (1): Often translated to “fox spirit”, a kitsune is a type of yokai. Some characteristics are intelligence, long life, and magical powers. They can have as many as nine tails, how many tails they have indicates how old and powerful they are. 
> 
> _Tsukimono-tsuji_ (2): A fox witch clan, where the entire line is tainted forever; you and any heirs you had would carry the taint. People would carefully check the family backgrounds of business partners and potential suitors to make sure they were not tsukimono-tsuji. The little tidbit I mention in the fic takes place during the Edo period; any families accused of being kitsune-tsukai or tsukimono-tsuji were burned out of their homes and banished. 
> 
> _Torri_ (3): Traditional Japanese gate, they are found at the entrance or within a Shinto shrine. It marks the entrance to a sacred place.
> 
>  _Kitsune statues_ (4): The entrance to an Inari shrine is usually marked with a pair of kitsune (representing a male and female). They hold symbolic items in their mouths or beneath their front paw, most of the time a jewel and key but there can be other items such as a sheaf or rice, a scroll, or a fox cub. They often have red yodarekake (votive bibs). 
> 
> _Fushimi Inari-taisha_ (5): The main Inari shrine, located in Fushimi-ku, Kyoto. The shrine leads to multiple smaller shrines that trail up the mountain which is also called Inari. 
> 
> _Inari-zushi_ (6): A sushi roll of rice packed fried tofu with pointed corners that resemble fox ears; It’s a popular offering to the messenger kitsune.
> 
>  _Kitsune-tsukai_ (7): Translated to “fox users”, they are sorcerers who were said to have kitsune at their command and could send them to possess humans if they wished. This could be for a variety of reasons but one of the most noticeable were those who sent the kitsune to possess someone and then appear to the possessed as an exorcist, driving the tsukimono out for a fee. 
> 
> _Tsukimono_ (8): Combines the kanji 憑 (tsuki; possession) and 物 (mono; thing). They are almost exclusively yokai or animal spirits who invade unwilling human bodies; no one allows a tsukimono into them. There are many types of tsukimono, ranging from kitsune to horses. Because of this, -tsuki is used as a suffix. The first part describes the type of tsukimono and then -tsuki is added on (ex. Tengu-tsuki or Tengu possession).
> 
>  _Messenger kitsune_ (9): They are kitsune associated with Inari. Worshippers bring offerings of various foods to please the messenger kitsune who will then plead with Inari on their behalf.
> 
>  _Izuna-hô_ (10): Kitsune-tsukai use this rite to gain power over their kitsune. They find a pregnant fox or one with cubs and feed her and her babies. When they are strong enough she will give one for them to name as thanks. With that, they are now under their control and will respond to their name no matter where they are.
> 
>  _Kitsune-tsuki_ (11): Not to be confused with kitsune-tsukai, kitsune-tuski is “fox possession”. It is the most common type of tsukimono but different from the rest, instead of the victim taking on fox attributes, it feels like a bodily attack. Symptoms include shortness of breath, pains, speaking in strange voices, and epileptic fits.  
>  -
> 
> Just a heads up, this is a mix of "fact" and my own twist on things. Whatever is "fact" I will add in the notes; I don't want people to mistake some of the things in my fic for the truth, that's all.
> 
> Also, I'm not sure when i'll update next? I'm working on a couple things rn so this may not be updated for a little while.


End file.
